Oh, our Ezra James. I know it sounds strange, but it actually gets more challenging to "celebrate" his birthday with each passing year. It's the constant "what if" going through our heads. All the different scenarios of how life might be if he was still with us. And, this year was especially challenging because Jeremiah wasn't here with us and Peter had to work and I had a work training. No one had anytime to bake anything, so I picked up some cupcakes at a local bakery on my way home and we had a small little "Happy Birthday" after Peter woke up and before he left for his night shift. It all felt so rushed. But, I don't think I'll ever be able to let one of his birthdays past without doing something. It's still hard to believe it was 14 years ago.
It wasn't just his birthday that looked different. With Jeremiah in Texas and Alayna having school, followed by a shift a work, it was just Peter and I to do our annual ash scatter. I know this is a glimpse of the life to come, as we look at (potentially) being empty nesters in less than two years. Knowing we were on our own for the day, we decided to do a day trip to Big Sur and scatter some ashes there. We did some hiking in the redwoods, as well as stopped at a few places along that beautiful coastal drive. 13 years in Eternity. It doesn't feel like that long. And, not a day goes by that I don't think about what "could" be.
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