Two Years

(Photo by Uncle Eric)

On August 24, 2008, we made the most difficult decision we will EVER make.....we surrendered our son to the Lord. We didn't know what God had planned, but we acted out of faith knowing that He would take care of Ezra, no matter what. We could have chosen differently; we could have chosen to put Ezra through three more surgeries, including brain surgery. We could have turned our home into a hospital room with machines to help him eat, machines to give him oxygen, and perhaps even a machine that would breathe for him. But would that have been for him? Or us? We knew the answer. So we signed the DNR papers and gave the doctors permission to extubate him. We were told by the doctors to expect Ezra to pass within an hour or two. He went Home after only 20 minutes. The Spirit was SO strong in that room, in our hearts. Lingering there, enveloping us. Protecting us. Comforting us. But, Ezra, well, he was finally at peace--healthy and strong in a brand new, perfect body, in the fullness of Christ's glory.

Ezra is celebrating two years of being in eternity today. I do feel a sense of joy and hope thinking about him in his new body in Heaven. But, all I know is the void I feel here without him. The ache. The longing. The wondering of what he would be....what we would be as a family of 5. And, yes, I still think of us as that, and myself as a mother of three. But, its hard when one person is missing.

It's hard to believe that its been two years. That's twice as long as he was even here. But, my guess is it doesn't feel very long for him in eternity. That is the only way I keep from descending into a pit of despair--thinking about him in eternity. I always think its a bit funny when people say, "Now you have him looking down on you, watching over you." I honestly don't think that's the case. I mean, he is in Christ's full glory. He is in the immediate presence of the SAVIOR of the world. I highly doubt he's concerned with what's going on here. That's not to say that he doesn't think about us or see us from where he is....but, we are not his concern; Earth is not his concern. Just Christ. I think Ezra is busy worshipping. He is praising. He is celebrating. And I gather he's among family and friends, who are doing it with him. And I am envious. Of Heaven, yes, but also of those that get to be with Ezra.

After seeing the kids off to school, Peter and I drove to Canyon Lake with Ezra's ashes. We prayed and took a walk and sprinkled some of his ashes in the lake. It was amazing to spend that time together, reflecting on our sweet son on this important anniversary. We miss him just as much today as we did 2 years ago. Maybe more.

Happy Eternity Day Ezra! We love you!