De-cluttering

It seems that it is "Fall cleaning" time over at our house. With Peter's new schedule, we find that we have a lot more "usable" hours with which we need to find "constructive" and "inexpensive" things to do. So, we're clearing out our stuff. We have found, in our short marriage (7 years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things) that we have accumulated a lot of stuff. Most of it we don't need, and keep around for sentimental value. Well, now its out with the old and in with the new. Only, we aren't going to go out and replace the things we're getting rid of, no. We are going to take a stab at living with what we have, and only replacing the necessities (like food, and, of course, batteries in the remote control). Seriously though, I just feel like we are so cluttered with stuff. And not just physically, but emotionally. I am in a "nesting" phase, if you will. I know it is a direct reaction to Ezra's absence from our lives. And it all started with us sorting through his things. We're wanting to save this stuff because it reminds us of Ezra. But, what does that mean? If we throw it away, does that mean we'll forget him? Of course not. He is with us always. He will always be our baby boy and a part of our lives. The stuff isn't going to change that one way or the other. As for emotional clutter, its the guilt and the what-if game. It must stop. This clutter only weighs us down. This was God's will for us and for Ezra. We are blessed to have had him in our lives for as long as we did. He was an amazing little man and he taught me a lot. I don't want to think about what if this, what if that. I don't want to feel guilty thinking that I may not have done all I could to keep him well. We did the best with what we got and sought God throughout the process. That is all that is asked of us.

And so, we continue to rummage through things that narrate our lives...but they do not define our lives. Its just stuff. And we're not taking it with us. And I don't want to leave it behind, so that when I pass on, my kids have to rummage through it, wondering if they should keep it for sentimental value. I hope that they will take from me things that they can carry with them through their lives. Things that will mold their minds, their attitudes, and their actions. Because you shouldn't be remembered for what you leave behind, but for what you give to someone else that they can pass on.