5

That's right.  Hard to believe, I know, but Mr. Ezra James would be turning 5 years old today.  Crazy.  Of course, the scenarios of "if he were still here" play out in my mind.  Much more frequently then I want them to.  So many possibilities had things turned out differently.  It's pointless to dwell on them, because the fact of the matter is, he is gone.  And if he had survived, we have no way of knowing what his life would have been like.  How much medical dependence he would have needed.  Sometimes, my imagination gets the better of me and I contemplate how things would have been had he not been born in August, but in mid-October, when he was due.  And born completely healthy and "normal".  But, then, I realize, he wouldn't have been "Ezra".  He would have been a different child.  Ours still, and loved just the same, but not the little baby intended for us, whose life was carefully planned out by our gracious God.

I think about what a huge milestone 5 is for a kids.  It represents a lot of things.  One thing I think about is school.  Ezra would have been starting kindergarten this year, if he were here.  But, I contemplate what that would have looked like for him, given his circumstances.  Our lives would be so drastically different if he were still with us.  We probably wouldn't be in Portland and I would not be on my way to getting a BSN.  As God would have it, this is where we are and Ezra is where he is--with Jesus.

Happy 5th Birthday, sweet Ezra James.   We miss you and love you, more than you'll ever know.