3 Years Later

It's been 3 years since we said goodbye to baby Ezra.  Those years haven't been easy and the pain of his absence is still as intense as the day we let him go, perhaps even more intense.  And, of course, we wonder what would have been--not a day passes in which we don't think about what he would be like if he were still here.  If God had planned for a miraculous healing and Ezra had been able to thrive and grow and live.  But, when we're thinking of those things, we remember the realities of that time, when we were making the decision about DNR.  Ezra was going to require 3 major surgeries.  Heart surgery for his valve, a tracheotomy because of the enlarged epiglottis, and brain surgery to insert a stunt to relieve the fluid build up on his skull from the hydrocephalus.  There was no guarantee that he would even survive those surgeries, much less that any of them would have allowed him to live a "normal" life.  He was so weak from pneumonia that he couldn't even breathe on his own.  7 failed attempts at extubation before we signed the DNR papers.   God was very clear in the days and sleepless nights that we spent praying for Ezra.  We wanted a miraculous healing; God wanted to be glorified through eternal healing.  It wasn't an easy decision to make, but we had enough trust in our God to put Ezra completely in His hands.  And so, Ezra went home.

We miss him terribly.  We know he would love Oregon as much as we do.  We recognized this "Eternity Day" with a trip to Multnomah Falls to spread some of his ashes.  This beautiful place has quickly become one of our favorite places in the world and we wanted a little of Ezra to be up there.  We did some prayer and scripture reading by the creek at the top of the falls and Jeremiah got to be the one to sprinkle the ashes into the creek.  We read from 1 Corinthians 15 (v. 35 - 58), the same verses that Peter shared at his memorial.  Here is the part that stands out the most for us, concerning Ezra's place now that he is gone from the earth.

1 Corinthians 15: 40 - 44 ~ "There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another.  The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendor.  So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body."

Happy Eternity Day, Ezra James.  We love you.

The Falls

The place where his ashes were scattered, up at the top of the Falls

It had rained in the morning; was drizzling while we hiked up.

Alayna was there too.....