6 Months

Its quite difficult to believe that a half a year has passed since we lost our little man. Sometimes, its hard for me to think about the fact that we have moved forward. That we have moved on from this devastating loss. I miss Ezra every day. I think of him every day. And I wonder if that will ever change. Will a day pass when I don't think about him, when I don't cry from missing him? What about 6 months from now? 6 years? I feel like he is still a big part of our lives. While I want to keep his memory alive, I don't want to be silly about it or embarrass the kids (you know, like setting a place at the dinner table or something). I just don't ever want him to be forgotten. The kids are so young and I wonder if they will remember him at all. I don't have many memories from before age 5...it makes me sad that they might not have true memories of their brother. And that, too, has been a part of the grief.

I have ideas about how to keep Ezra a part of our family, despite his absence. For instance, we are going to buy/make an ornament for the Christmas tree every year in his honor. We will make a cake in his honor on his birthday. We've been taking some of his ashes wherever we go and sprinkling them there. We will continue to do that until they are gone. At times I feel so much sorrow because he is not here to have these experiences with us. And then, other times, I remember how bad off he was and that he would not have been able to enjoy them. God is so merciful! We thank him every day for blessing us with Ezra and every night we thank Him for allowing Ezra to go home to Heaven instead of staying here and suffering. The pain we're going through does not compare to what Ezra would have had to endure. Praise God for his faithfulness! He is so good.

And thank you all for being there as a support system for us. We could not have gotten through these times without your love, encouragement, and prayers.

He's 7 months old here: